Open letter to the readers of Stuff Christians Like
Dear Fellow SCL Reader:
As you may know, I’m a big fan of Jon Acuff… Big – but not too big. I mean I think he’s great and all but it’s not like he’s all I think about all the time. Wow, that sounds crazy.
I’m being serious though, I’m not some crazy Jay-Cuff super-fan all foaming at the mouth, flipping through my notebook of drawings I’ve done of Jon side-hugging a unicorn or anything like that. That’d be weird.
I can prove that’s not me: one time I gave Jon a ride to a Starbucks and I didn’t try to kidnap him or anything….
I mean I totally could have. But didn’t.
See, not crazy.
But I digress. As I was saying, I am a fan of Jon and I appreciate his writing at Stuff Christians Like. I’m also consistently impressed with the caliber of guest post-ers that he is constantly have write for SCL.
But today was different.
Today Jon’s guest, Kevin Ring, posted the single worst post on a blog I have ever read ever.
Now, I am familiar with Kevin Ring’s other web work. His brilliant comments on Abraham Piper’s Twenty Two Words demonstrate a level of intellectual panache that haven’t been seen since Bob Keeshan graced the airwaves. And as a long time commenter on SCL, his poignant observations bring a level of heart-felt levity that nicely compliments the serious tone of the site. I truly had high hopes for Mr. Ring’s inaugural guest post.
Nope.
Today’s post was so bad that after I read it I immediately regretted every single life decision I had ever made in the past 32 years that had led me on a path to that moment. (Except marrying my wife… love you Cutesiebuttons!!)
In his post, Mr. Ring presents the “five best tips for planting a great Christian blog”. What he should of called it was the “the stupidest, most inane, imbecilic, moronic, formulaic and asinine abuse of the English language ever.”
As someone who has started a Christian blog, I take personal offense at his recommendations. Among the “pearls of wisdom” that he offers:
- When deriving a name for your blog, “make your blog the ‘intersection’ of two things”.
UGH. How about I explore the intersection of my fist with your face? - Or, “don’t make waves” with your writing because you might offend your pastor.
I started this blog because I know I can write better sermons than my pastor. If that hurts his feelings, tough. - And in what can only be called a desperate attempt at being clever, he ends with “always leave them wanting…”
What an obvious and juvenile joke. Really? An ellipsis?!?! Are you serious?!?!! My two year old could have written that![Funny story. My two year old actually did write that. Originally the advice was "Always leave them wanting to take some kind of action". The point I was trying to make was that your writing should be inspiring, but I was having trouble getting the wording right. "Be inspiring" would have worked. Seems kind of obvious now. Anyway, I guess I accidentally highlighted part of the sentence and the subsequent paragraph and then got distracted and stepped away for a minute. While I was gone my two year old came up and pressed DELETE, probably saying "boop" as she did it - that's the noise she thinks the keyboard makes. I'd like to think that she exclaimed "DELETED!" as she did it but probably not. - Anyway, long story short, I didn't catch it before emailing it off, blah blah blah, always leave them wanting...]
In response to this blogging atrocity (this blogtrocity! – I totally just made that word up!) I say for shame Jon Acuff, for shame! (BTW, you can click here to Tweet that if you want.)
I understand if you were razzle-dazzled by Mr. Ring’s towering frame and serious beard. What I don’t understand is how this made it past your Editorial Board.
And I urge you, dear Reader, not to subscribe to Kevin’s blog feed.
And please do not follow Kevin on Twitter.
And whatever you do, DO NOT leave a comment on his blog complimenting his writing and inviting him to guest-post on your blog!!
We must take a stand. I’m counting on you. Good day.
Sincerely,
Discussion of “Open letter to the readers of Stuff Christians Like”
This entry was posted on 05 13th, 2010 and is filed under Blogging, Humility, Just Because.
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You can add your two cents.
If I wanted to think, I’d go to church. Don’t worry though. Despite the commenting, I’m not subscribing or following.
I don't know if you're a better writer than your pastor, but you are very funny!
I think I love you,
XOXOX
<
Stay strong Paul. Fight the temptation.
Wow, that takes me right back to high school…
I think I… really enjoy spending time with you…
Bahaha! I am definitely not going to follow Kevin on twitter or look at his blog. Except I just did both those things. Curse you!
Love it
You would be more than wlecome to guest post on All4God if you want
Jay-Cuff.
Nice. Not crazy, at all!
I have to totally disagree with you though. I thought the guest post was awesome.
Kevin Ring strikes again!! He must be stopped!
Let's just agree to disagree, then.
p.s. You double winked
at me in your comment. I'm not sure what you're getting at but I'm happily married.
I don’t know your specific beliefs, but if “DELETED” is a reference to what I think it is a reference to, then I’m pretty sure my eyes twinkled because I think I love you, nay, N-love with you. True love even.
Oh, goodness me, it’s like being on a cloud.
If that was a reference to HSR, please let me know so I can tell my wife.
Dacheated?
DOUBLE DEUUUUCCCCCEEEEE!!!!!!!
Kevin, (I have a brother named Kevin, can you believe it?), you should be christened Lord of All the People named Ring. Except that we shouldn't call you Lord, because that would be disrespectful of the REAL Lord. But anyway, I think you rock. I heart you.
I enjoyed this. Way to *not* kidnap Jay-Cuff. You are stronger than some, I'm sure.
Your SCL post was great btw, imho. Although I just used three abbreviations in the same sentence, I will cover it up by commenting and following you on Twitter.
<3 Sarah
It was a great post. Inspiring even. I'd ask you to guest post on my blog but I'm still working on tip 1.
btw I like to yell out baleeted whenever I clean out my inbox at work. I thought I'd share since we are all HSR bonding here.
Nice work.
I'm not surprised you thought about kidnapping him.
I too struggle with that temptation. After the kidnapping, I'd like to try racing go-karts, and dressing up like Ninja Turtles…. but I'm not going to get too far into all that right now.
You're invited to my blog as a guest.
But first, you have to leave a witty comment in response to one of my posts, or on my humor fan page Triple Dog Dare @ Facebook.
(I want to see if this witty stuff was just a caffeine buzz, unbridled enthusiasm, or a knack for the comedic arts.)
-Lisa
I have enjoyed witnessing your "skills of an artist," and I will continue to do so.
You've got the heart of a champion. You have won me over little brudder.
Amazing Kevin. I felt like your blog about your guest blog reminded me of Lemony Snicket warning us not to read his books.
BALETED!
I am going to be really tempted to call him Jay-Cuff now. Then I'm going to sound like one of those crazy super-fans. I'll blame you.