Conversations With My Dad | Introduction

The Story:

In April/May of 2007, my dad (Michael John Ring) was diagnosed with lung cancer. The news was particularly devastating because: a) he isn’t that old (59 at the time) b) my dad has never smoked in his life; c) he is the father of two young children (five and three years old at the time of his diagnosis); and d) numerous members of his family have also had various kinds of cancer (including his first wife Peggy who passed away in 1997 and his second son Kevin (a.k.a. me) who was diagnosed and treated for Seminoma in 1999).

Fast forward to fall 2009, my dad gets the news that his cancer is not responding to the latest round of chemotherapy. His options are to try a more aggressive dosage of chemo (doctors aren’t sure that this treatment will completely eradicate his cancer; rather, they expect it will prolong his life for an unspecified duration (think months, years maybe) while decreasing the quality of said life due to the poisonous side-effects of chemotherapy) or he can let the cancer do it’s thing.

Given the options of #1 further treatment with uncertain (and low)  probability of success or #2 suspend treatment and enjoy what remains of your life; my dad opts for #2.

As difficult as it is, I support that decision for a number of reasons.

1. He’s lived a full life, had the fortune of meeting, falling in love with, and marrying to great women; he has raised five children; he’s had a fruitful career (he’s been on-again, off-again… on-again retired for about 10 years now), and is not harboring any deep pain/regrets/unsatisfied dreams that leave him unfulfilled.

2. I, having been treated for cancer, know a sliver of what chemotherapy is like. I’ve had radiation treatment and it was by far the WORST physical experience I think I’ve ever endured. Multiply that by a BAZILLION for chemotherapy. No thank you. If there is a probability of success, then yes it is worth enduring. A friend of mine who is an oncology nurse said to me that he completely supports this thinking. He’s seen people at the end of their lives who are suffering through chemotherapy treatment. He said that it is a horrible, horrible thing that no person should ever experience. I agree. As difficult as it is to face the thought of my dad passing away – I still struggle today with the death of my mother – I cannot selfishly wish such suffering upon him.

3. My dad is a stand up guy, has endured many hardships in his life while maintaining his integrity and selfless service to the people he loves. As far as I’m concerned, he has (for lack of a better term) earned the right to do whatever he wants.

The Idea:

In this time period I get the idea to record a series of interviews with my dad, asking him questions about life, our family, and what it’s like to no longer be able to delude yourself that you are, in fact, invincible.

I nervously ask my dad’s permission to delve into his 61 years on this earth, fully expecting him to think it isn’t a good idea…

… and (surprisingly, at least to me) he’s all for it.

As you’ll see in the video, he’s sorry that he missed the opportunity to ask his parents questions about their lives and their families. He sees this as an opportunity to make sure that the future generations of the Ring family have a record of where they came from.

Fast forward a month or so (it’s taken me this long to get my act together), today my father and I recorded the first two of what will be a number of video conversations. The first (posted here) is a brief introduction to the project . The second (which I’ll post soon) starts by looking at my dad’s childhood.

I hope that through this we get to speak about a number of things that otherwise I wouldn’t have the opportunity (or the guts) to talk to my dad about. I guarantee at some point during this I will cry. My dad’s probably going to share some embarrassing stories about me. Basically, I’m putting myself out there… and that aspect scares me (hence why it’s taken me so long to get my act together).

But in the end, I hope you get to know the Mike Ring that I know, love, and respect. There really are a lot of stand-up men in this world but you seldom hear about them. It’s an honor to get to introduce this one to you. I hope you enjoy!

Click here to go up to the video.

Click here to check out all the interviews in the Conversations With My Dad series.

p.s. If you have any questions you want me to ask, please leave them in the comments. I’ll be happy to do so (assuming they are appropriate, serious, and g-rated).

p.p.s. An update on my dad’s health. Around mid-January 2010 my dad visited a research hospital to see if they had any recommendations regarding treatment options that otherwise aren’t available. They’ve recommended a new regimen of chemotherapy that he started last Monday, January 25th. So, for now, treatment continues.